Living Word International
1291 Foote McClellan Rd.
COLBERT, GA. 30628 U.S.A.
Ph. (706) 546-0505 Fax 546-4989 E-MAIL: livword@livword.org Net: livword.org
Dr. ARNIE & BETTY SMITH PS.107:20: "HE SENT HIS WORD…"
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PRINCIPLES OF COUNSELING
12 week 4 credit course Taught by Dr. Arnie Smith
TEXT: COMPETENT TO COUNSEL, by Jay Adams
Recommended reading: Caring Enough to Confront, by David Augsburger
Handbook to Happiness, by Charles R. Solomon
Telling the Truth to Troubled People, by Wm. Backus
HELPS: THUS SAITH GOD'S WORD, Dorothy Mason Weymann
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II Corinthians 3:5,6 - Able ministers of the New Testament
WEEK 1
1. Goals of class:
A. Learning to identify problem areas:
1. Selves first - recognize own
2. Sensitive to others'
B. Learning Biblical principles applicable to specific problem areas
C. Learning Scriptures applicable to specific problem areas
D. Learning to apply the Scriptures for godly results
1. In own lives first - Be example (I Tim. 4:12)
2. To minister to others
2. Introduction:
A. Everyone has problems
1. Recognized and identified
a. Resigned to living with
1) Not significant enough to make effort
2) Given up hope of ever being free
b. Unwilling to deal with
c. Not known how to deal with
2. Nagging, unclear
3. Intensely personal
a. Temptations b. Thoughts c. Habits d. Recurring dreams
4. Relational - co-workers, family, church
a. Divorce b. Unemployment c. Job dissatisfaction
d. Alcoholism e. Drug abuse f. Sexual
B. Problems increasing in frequency, complexity, and intensity
1. Modern society increasingly complicated
2. Godlessness more and more accepted and promoted
a. Abortion b. Non-marital sex c. Drugs/alcohol
d. White-collar crime e. Lowered value of life/insensitivity
f. Perversion promoted g. Humanistic education h. Occult
3. Moral dilemmas: surrogate motherhood/frozen embryos, etc.; cloning
4. God and the godly rejected and ridiculed
a. News media sides w/pro-aborts & homos
b. Religion with form and denying the power (II Tim. 3:5)
c. Entertainment mocks ministers and fathers - all authority; godliness
C. Blind leading the blind (Matt. 15:14)
1. Secular counselors
a. Reject Bible as final authority and guide
b. Shift responsibility for problems from client
1) Parents 2) Environment 3) Society 4) Government
c. Often treat with drugs, not answers
d. Treat symptoms rather than REAL problem: alcohol; drugs; depression
e. Humanistic approaches, rather than spiritual solutions
f. Have high rate of suicide within the profession
1) More questions than answers 2) Low/no cure rate
2. Religious counselors - several different types:
a. Many believe they can't deal with difficult cases/refer
b. Many use secular psychology and techniques/horoscope-like
c. Many lead person to dependency upon them instead of God
d. The Super-spiritual blame devil/demons instead of FLESH (Gal. 5:19-21)
3. Qualifications for counseling:
A. Must have B.A. degree (Born Again - John 3:7)
B. Should also have B.H.S. degree (Baptism in Holy Spirit - Acts 1:8)
C. Be AVAILABLE - willing to be used by God (Isa. 6:8)
1. More important than ability
2. TIME required to minister effectively
D. Be COMMITTED
1. To God - walking in purity and obedience (I Pet. 1:22)
2. To ministry - addicted (I Cor. 16:15,16)
E. Be TEACHABLE - don't be a know-it-all (Phil. 3:13,14; Mat. 11:29)
1. Easy to get into rut - treat all cases like they're the same
2. Must constantly study (II Tim. 2:15; 3:16,17)
3. Constantly seek God for new revelation and understanding
F. Be OBEDIENT - do/say as God instructs (I Sam. 15:22)
1. His ways not ours (Isa. 55:8,9)
2. His foolishness better than our wisdom (I Cor. 1:25)
3. Without fear of man (Heb. 13:6)
4. Without partiality (I Tim. 5:21; James 3:17)
5. Speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15,25; Prov. 16:6; Ps.61:7)
G. Be PREPARED (Ezra 7:6,10)
1. Study/ Experience Word (II Cor. 1:3,4)
2. Do Word (James 1:22)
3. Teach Word (II Tim. 2:2; Heb.5:12)
H. Be ANOINTED for the task (Isa. 10:27; Lk. 4:18; II Cor. 1:21; I John 2:27)
I. Be PATIENT: ups/downs will likely be experienced
4. GOD does the actual work
A. By the Holy Spirit
1. Spirit of truth (John 14:16,17,26)
2. Gifts of discernment, wisdom & knowledge (I Cor. 12:10; Heb. 5:14)
3. Boldness (Acts 4:31)
4. Changed lives (II Cor. 3:18)
B. By the Word of God
1. He sent His Word...(Ps. 107:20)
2. Quick, powerful...(Heb. 4:12)
3. For instruction, correction...(II Tim. 3:16,17)
4. Faith comes by...the Word of God (Rom. 10:17)
WEEK 2
5. Basic counseling procedure
A. Begin with prayer
B. Get background information
1. Basics - for follow-up/referral
a. Full name(s) b. Address/phone c. Work information
d. Schedule - best time to call/arrange appointments
2. Religious up-bringing (if any) - VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW NOW
a. Church/denomination b. Pastor's name/number
c. Basic beliefs - is person born again, etc.
3. Brief explanation of what person believes to be the problem
a. Often not the REAL problem/need at all - used by God to get them help
b. For evaluation only
c. Detail will come later - as get into actual counseling
4. Good idea to have form to follow, if involved a lot
a. Appears professional b. Helps to remember necessary info.
c. Aids in filing for future reference
C. Evaluate person's willingness to change
1. May only want others/circumstances to change
2. Discernment will reveal basic desire(s)
a. Wants own way only b. Has hidden agenda c. Has real desire to work out
d. Teachability e. Desire to please God (obey)
3. Worth taking time - sent by God or enemy? (Matt. 7:6)
D. Lead to Commitment to Jesus and help by the Holy Spirit
1. Person must acknowledge need of HIS help
2. Person must be willing to confess wrong-doing and repent - as it's learned
3. Right relationship with Jesus essential to success of counsel
a. Self help/determination only work in the short-term
b. Spiritual problems require Spiritual answers (I Cor.2:13,14)
c. No true basis for helping without surrender to God
E. LISTEN intently to/encourage counselee (about 80% of counseling)
1. To person(s)
a. What they're saying b. How they're saying it (spirit)
c. What they're NOT saying (don't take everything/everyone at face value)
d. Ask questions frequently
1) To clarify issues/details 2) To show interest
e. DON'T look at watch, fidget, space-out or show boredom/lack of interest
2. To Holy Spirit
a. Discernment b. Word of wisdom c. Word of knowledge
3. Take notes
a. For reference to issues currently being dealt with
b. For future reference - preparation for next meeting
4. Let person TALK-OUT before making any major response
a. Get as much as possible on which to base response(s)
b. Will be more ready to listen
1) Not thinking of what he wants to say
2) Rapport built by LISTENING will build confidence
F. Review what said
1. Re-state/confirm clarity of understanding
2. Define and categorize problem areas
3. Evaluate/confirm priorities
a. More immediate needs
b. Lower priority problems
c. Those requiring more time to resolve
d. Recognize/clarify interrelationships of problems
1) Some solutions necessary before other ones come
2) Define order of handling
G. Begin process of sharing/dealing with problems
1. In order of priority
2. Direct person(s) to Word of God
3. Establish areas of responsibility - NOT blame fixing: not productive
a. Who's needing to change
b. Define changes necessary
c. Encourage change
4. Methodically move through problems one-by-one
H. Give homework/assignment(s)
1. To confirm honesty of desire to solve problem(s)
2. To bring about necessary solutions
I. End each session with prayer
G. Repeat process as often as necessary to get desired results
WEEK 3
NOTE: Go through text - Intro.-Ch. 2: pointing out highlights(author not spirit-filled)
DEALING WITH DEPRESSION
I. Nobody Exempt:
A. Widespread/Major problem
1. Major Christian problem
2. Tests reveal everyone has dealt with it sometime
3. Related to other problems (result/cause)
a. Root of many other symptoms
b. Results from any number of causes
c. Intrinsic to most other problems
B. Spiritual giants suffered
1. David (II Samuel 11)
a. Didn't go to battle as he should've
b. Got into trouble/covered his sin (Prov.28:13)
c. Nathan pointed out his sin (12:7)
d. David deeply grieved (Ps. 51)
2. Elijah (I Kings 19)
a. Jezebel out to kill him (v.2)
b. Asks God to let him die (v.4)
c. Claims to be only one for God (v.15)
3. Job - thoroughly tested
a. Sits in ashes (2:8)
b. Wishes he'd never been born (3:3)
c. Gets bitter (10:1)
C. Subtle problem - often not detected
1. Person often affected without his knowledge
2. Gradually cripples productivity/well-being
3. End result can be death (suicide/overdose)
4. Someone else often has to help overcome
a. Recognize the problem - severity
b. Encourage proper response to cause(s)
II. Description:
A. Often starts with negative circumstances:
1. Disappointment
2. Rejection
3. Failure
4. Hurt
B. Results in negative emotions - usually several:
1. Anger - Eph.4:26: be angry and sin not
2. Bitterness - Heb.12:15: root of bitterness
3. Revenge - Rom.12:19,21: avenge not selves
4. Discouragement - Numb.21:4: much discouraged
5. Fear - II Tim. 1:7: God not given spirit of fear
C. Ends up in negative actions:
1. Broken relationships
2. Rejection of others
3. Retaliation
4. Confusion
5. Aimlessness
6. Hopelessness
7. Escapism
WEEK 4 (TEXT highlights - Ch. 3)
III. Primary Causes:
A. Improper relationship with God:
1. Unsaved totally - no knowledge of God - emptiness
a. Ephesians 2:12 - having no hope; without God
b. I Cor. 6:9 - wicked can't inherit the kingdom
c. I Cor. 2:14 - things of God foolishness to them
d. Romans 1:32 - have pleasure, knowing judgment
2. Disobedience - unwilling to do God's will
a. Proverbs 13:15,18 - Way of transgressor hard
b. Ephes. 5:16;Col.3:6 - wrath upon disobedient
c. Jonah - belly of whale; surrendered to God
3. Sinning - Yielding to temptation
a. Luke 8:13 - Fall in time of temptation
b. Isaiah 59:2 - Our sins separate us from God
c. James 4:17 - Know to do good, but don't = sin
4. Wrong priorities - other things too important
a. I Timothy 6:9-11 - desire to be rich
b. Matt. 13:22 - care of this world
c. I John 2:16 - pride of life
5. Lethargy - spiritual laziness
a. Hebrews 6:12 - be not slothful
b. II Peter 1:5-10 - be diligent; don't fall
c. Hebrews 6:1 - go on to perfection
d. Hebrews 10:24,25 - not forsaking church
6. Anger/resentment - let down by God
a. Joshua 7:4-9 - beaten at Ai the first time
b. Jonah 4 - angry when God forgave Nineveh
c. Prayers not always answered as we want/think
1) Healings don't happen
2) Circumstances don't immediately change
3) God allows us to sin
4) Accidents/tragedies occur
7. Decreased faith - unable to trust/believe (Heb.11:6)
a. Feelings of guilt or unworthiness to receive
b. Disappointments with unanswered prayers/desires
c. Lack of sensing God's presence/love
B. Broken relationships with other people:
1. Creates problem with God (Luke 11:25,26 - forgive)
2. Commanded to love others as self (Matt. 22:39)
3. To lay down life for others (John 15:12,13)
4. Job freed through forgiveness (Job 42:10)
5. David/Absalom - II Samuel 13,14 (13:37-39;14:28)
a. Absalom kills Amnon for raping Tamar
b. Absalom flees from Jerusalem
c. David mourns Amnon's death
d. David unwilling to forgive Absalom
e. David's pride keeps him from seeing Absalom
f. Absalom turns against David (15:6,12-17)
g. David mourns Absalom's death (18:32,33;19:4)
h. Mourning causes strife with supporters (19:6-9)
6. Divorce a major problem (Malachi 2:15,16 - hated)
a. Prevalent today - and increasing
b. Not solved by living together - fornication
c. Everyone hurt by broken family:
1) Mates 2) Children 3) Families 4) Friends
C. Unmet goals and expectations:
1. Man made to produce (Ephesians 2:10 - good works)
2. Without vision - perish (Prov. 29:18)
3. Failure can devastate - whatever the area:
a. Wayward children - drugs, jail, rebellion
b. Lost or menial job
c. Vision fails to come to pass/lost
d. Relationships fail/don't develop (marriage)
D. Physical/emotional:
1. Illness - disease: weakness bodily affects spirit
a. Proverbs 17:22 - a merry heart like medicine
b. Long-term can bring hopelessness
2. Accident - leaves handicapped/disfigured
3. Exhaustion - lack of rest/change-of-pace
WEEK 5 (TEXT highlights Ch. 4)
E. Environmental:
1. Cultural conditioning
a. Failure expected - too many problems
b. Others blamed for failures
c. Lack of opportunities/training
2. Family circumstances
a. Treated like failure/stupid
b. Example of parents is failure
c. Unrealistic requirements - drive to excel
1) Parents demanding - impossible to please
2) Sibling rivalry - competition
3. Tribulation/Persecution
a. Matt. 13:21 - offended by
b. I Kings 19:1-4 - Elijah asks to die
c. John 12:42,43 - love praise of men
d. Matt. 10:34-37 - family often hardest problem
IV. Depression cycle:
A. Starts with a SINKING FEELING from circumstances
B. Gradually leads to feeling discouraged
C. Often anger, resentment, and/or bitterness are displayed
D. Eventually hopelessness sets in - no way out
E. Finally one gives up:
1. May keep going through motions for awhile
2. Eventually will even quit that
F. Annihilation - ending one's misery
1. Drugs and/or alcohol
2. Break with reality - create own fantasy world
3. Catatonic state - refusal to respond to anything/one
4. Suicide
V. Recognizing the symptoms: (Someone will have to observe)
A. Time-wasting
1. Daydreaming 2. Inconsequential/redundant tasks
3. Watching lots of television 4. Irresponsibility
5. Concentration on fun-filled/low risk activities:
a. No emotional trauma involved
b. Provides escape from reality
B. Sleeping a lot (a method of escape)
C. Relatively little show of emotion of any kind
1. Regardless of provocation
2. Lack of opinion/decision-making
D. Any significant change of life-style or behavior
1. Appetite change 2. Change in rising/retiring times
3. Hobbies - quit (no interest) or intensified (immersed in)
4. More or less talkative - more or less significant
5. More or less time spent at home/away
6. Change in emotional responses/moods/temperament
7. Church attendance dropping off
E. Look for evidence of drugs or alcohol as an escape
1. Odor of alcohol 2. Slurring of speech
3. Redness around eyes 4. Sniffles 5. Excessive energy
6. Heavy-duty need for finances 7. New friends
8. Loss of interest in areas previously important
9. Extreme highs and lows:
a. Giddy and energetic; drowsiness
b. Fairly quick swings
10. A lot of mouth movement - dryness
11. Glassy eyes
VI. Helping the depressed:
A. Recognize it's a problem - based upon observing the signs
B. Wisely let the person know you know and want to help
1. Gently, firmly convince person of the problem
2. Show your care and concern through identification
a. Relate your own experience briefly
b. Express hope that it can be overcome
C. Time will be required to identify specific problem areas
1. Based on above-mentioned causes
2. May be several reasons, not just one
3. Lots of questions will be required
4. It will be necessary also to establish trust/honesty
WEEK 6 (Chapter 5 highlights)
D. Relationship with God is the first problem to deal with
1. God will be necessary to help overcome other areas
2. Without God's help we'll have no lasting results
3. Person must want God's help
4. May require re-affirming Who God is:
a. He's our Savior and Lord
b. He wants what's best for us
c. He loves and wants to help us, not hurt us
d. He's set up laws by which He abides
1) Laws of nature
2) Laws of sin and death (Romans 6:23)
5. Help person forgive God, or whatever, to reconcile
6. Help them commit to working at that relationship:
a. Lead to salvation if not already saved
b. Confess disobedience and commit to obedience
c. Share God's ability to keep us from sinning
d. Help to establish proper priorities:
1) God and His will must be first in our lives
2) Family responsibilities follow
3) Work and outside relationships next
e. Remind of times/ways God has been faithful
f. Commit to continued encouragement in the Lord
E. Step through other problems one at a time
1. Other relationships
a. Focus on people who must be forgiven
b. Help person to allow God to help them forgive
c. Seek those owed restitution - hurt by person
d. Seek way to restore all relationships
1) Romans 12:18 - as much as lies in you...
2) II Cor. 5:18 - ministry of reconciliation
2. Unmet goals and expectations
a. Learn what they are - what areas
b. Walk person through each situation
1) Probable reasons for failure(s)
2) Help to be honest as to own responsibility
3) Ask God to erase the hurt
4) Find what good can come of it (Rom.8:28)
5) Thank God for it (I Thes. 5:18)
c. Ask God to give person His vision for them
d. Give scriptural encouragement:
1) Prov.3:5,6: Trust in Lord...He'll direct
2) Ps.37:3-5:Trust,Delight,Commit-come about
3) Ps.37:23-25: Steps ordered: fall, not down
4) Hab.2:3: Though vision tarry, wait for it
3. Physical
a. Help to
1) Get necessary help/healing
a) Prayer - chain
b) Medical attention
c) Financial assistance
2) Accept situation (Phil.4:11)
a) Let fruit of Spirit dominate
b) Use for God's glory - i.e.: Joni
b. Treat as normal as possible - not belittle
1) Sympathy not needed/wanted (don't baby)
2) Love & understanding necessary
3) Consideration and companionship vital
4) Encourage usefulness to capacity
a) Find a meaningful job
b) Reward effort with honest praise
c) Don't do for them what they can do
c. Encourage them in the Lord
4. Environmental
a. Help to recognize God's kingdom is different
1) Romans 14:17: not physical; spiritual
2) Isaiah 55:8,9: His ways not ours
3) We're not of this world (Jn. 15:19)
b. We're new creatures (II Cor. 5:17)
1) We're to have the mind of Christ
a) Romans 12:2 - Renewed
b) Phil. 2:5 - mind...also in Christ
2) The Kingdom of God is in us
a) Luke 17:21 - within us
b) II Thes. 1:5 - worthy of the kingdom
3) Accepted in the beloved - Ephes. 1:6
4) Past no excuse for present/future
a) Each judged personally
i. Ezek.18:4 - soul that sins dies
ii. I Cor.3:13 - every man's work
b) I John 1:9 - confess...cleansed
c. Relate examples of successes in spite of past
1) Joseph (Genesis 37-50)
a) Hated by brothers
b) Sold into slavery
c) Unjustly jailed
d) Prospered by God regardless
e) Became 2nd to Pharoah
2) David (I Samuel 16 and following)
a) Brothers jealous
b) Lowly shepherd
c) Constant warfare with Saul
d) Becomes king of all Israel
3) Gideon (Judges 6-8)
a) Least in family of a least family
b) Frightened of enemy
c) No known training for leadership
d) Tests and tests God for assurance
e) Obeys God's instructions
i. Foolish to the world
ii. Wins battle over Midian
iii. National leader forty years
d. We're to be victorious even when persecuted
1) John 16:33 - be of good cheer; I overcame
2) II Peter 2:9 - God knows how to deliver
3) Psalm 23:5 - table in presence of enemies
4) I Peter 4:12-16 - not strange; rejoice
WEEK 7 (Chapters 6,7 highlights)
VII. Avoiding depression - staying free:
A. Maintain solid relationship with the Lord
1. Seek Him daily - study and prayer
2. Obey His will without delay
3. Remain sensitive to His Spirit for direction
a. Ask for His help for every situation
b. Expect Him to give on-the-spot guidance
4. Fast occasionally - as God guides
5. Pray/praise in tongues a lot - builds up (Jude 20)
B. Maintain solid relationships with others
1. Be quick to confess own faults (James 5:16)
2. Be quick to forgive others for their faults
3. Encourage one another in the Lord (Heb.10:24,25)
4. Love others as Jesus loves us (John 15:12)
C. Get vision from God (Prov.29:18)
1. Let old ones die - release the burden
2. Don't look for/manufacture - wait on God to give it
3. Prov. 3:5,6 - Trust in the Lord; lean not on self
4. His vision will come to pass - in His way and time
D. Expect opposition - be prepared for it
1. Jesus had a Judas - we will too
2. Paul had lots of problems - we will too (Phil.1:12ff)
3. Beware of being too well liked (Luke 6:26)
4. Refuse to be offended (Ps. 119:165; Isa. 32:17)
5. Recognize the true source - resist Satan
a. Ephes. 6:12 - principalities and powers
b. James 4:7 - resist the devil and he'll flee
c. I Peter 5:8,9 - as a roaring lion; resist
d. I Cor.10:13 - God is faithful; provides escape
e. Use spiritual weapons - II Cor. 10:3-5
E. Continually be being filled with the Spirit
1. Ephesians 5:18-20 - command; instruction on how
2. Enables discernment of source of problems (Heb.5:14)
3. Source of power over all the enemy's fiery darts
a. Acts 1:8 - you shall receive power
b. Guides into all truth - sets free
1) John 16:13 - speaks of Jesus (14:6)
2) John 8:32 - know the truth; set free
c. Gal. 5:16,25 - walk in the spirit, not flesh
4. God gives: love, power, and a sound mind-II Tim.1:7
5. I John 4:4 - greater is He that's in us
F. Remember that God has a GOOD plan for us
1. Jer. 29:11-14 - thoughts of peace; expected end
2. Rev. 3:12 - Overcomers become pillars in temple
3. Great reward for faithfulness
a. Mat. 25:21 - well done good and faithful
1) Ruler over many things
2) Enter joy of the Lord
b. Rev. 17:14 - With Him
c. Rev. 2:10 - crown of life
4. God's ultimate purpose for us:
a. John 10:10 - abundant and eternal life
b. I John 3:1-3 - to be like Jesus
1) Rule and reign with Him - Rev.20:6
2) Joint heirs with Him
a) Rom.8:17 - joint heirs
b) Gal.3:29 - heirs by promise
c) Tit.3:7 - heirs by hope of eternity
d) II Cor.3:18 - changed into His image
c. John 17:24 - eternal fellowship with God
G. REJOICE WE'RE CHILDREN OF THE KING!
1. Neh. 8:10 - joy of the Lord is strength
2. Phil. 1:6 - He will work in us until Jesus comes
3. Hebrews 10:35-39 - cast not away your confidence
WEEK 8 (Chapter 8 - LONG, most of class-time taken)
DEALING WITH OTHER PROBLEM AREAS:
I. INTRODUCTION
A. Most VISIBLE problems are merely SYMPTOMS (though not always)
B. Counselors must go beyond these to be effective
1. Often requires considerable effort to convince counselee
2. Much more time required to learn and address root problems
a. Often buried b. May not even be realized by counselee
C. In all cases the Word of God and the power of God is sufficient
1. Properly administered 2. Wholeheartedly received/applied
D. COMPASSION must be shown - NOT condemnation, nor sympathy
1. Condemnation gives person no hope of deliverance
2. Sympathy makes person believe there's no need of deliverance
3. Compassion gives both - as well as encouraging deliverance
4. Call sin sin, not sickness - gives hope of deliverance
WEEK 9 (Chapter 9)
II. SURFACE PROBLEMS:
A. Alcohol
1. Claimed an illness - actually sin - [wrong response]
2. Must help counselee accept that he's sinning - not sick
a. PROVERBS 20:1: "WINE is a mocker, strong drink is raging:
and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise."
b. PROVERBS 23:20,21: "Be not among winebibbers; among
riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton
shall come to poverty:"
c. PROVERBS 23:29-32: don't look on wine; stings
d. I COR. 6:10: drunkards shall not get into the kingdom
e. GAL. 5:21: drunkenness will keep from the kingdom
3. Lead to repentance/deliverance through Blood of Jesus
a. Romans 10:9-11: confess Jesus raised from dead
b. Romans 10:13: Whosoever calls on name of the Lord saved
c. II Cor. 5:17: become NEW CREATURE
d. Romans 6:11-14: sin shall not control anymore
e. I Cor. 10:13: God will make a way to escape when tempted
4. Instruct in basics of walking with God
a. Daily prayer and Bible reading
b. Need for fellowship and teaching in good church home
c. Avoiding areas of potential temptation: bars, parties
d. Asking God to help WHEN tempted, not afterwards
e. Asking God to forgive if fail - GO ON! (I John 1:7-9)
5. Inquire as to what triggers drinking
a. Family problems b. Work-related stress c. Social d. Etc.
6. Ask duration of problem - when/what started (tie-in to problem)
7. Help them see alcohol compounds problem(s)
a. Expense b. Time lost c. Hurt relationship(s) d. Health
e. Avoidance of handling real problem(s) - they get bigger
8. Show that God can give power to overcome
a. Testimony - overcoming same problem (own or other's)
b. Relate other example(s) of God's delivering power
9. Help realize other response(s) better:
a. Asking God to help - especially when in crisis
b. Facing head-on
c. Working at solutions
d. Asking others involved for help - usually ready and waiting
10. Spend time working at correcting related problems (3. above)
a. Reduce potential reasons for returning to drink
b. Produce godly results in life and circumstances
WEEK 10 (Chapter 10):
11. Follow-up: stay in touch to encourage godly behavior
a. Guide to a good church - get plugged-in
b. Encourage responsible living
1) Good work habits 2) Paying bills 3) Obeying laws
4) Attending to family - whatever level possible
a) Reconciling b) Re-establishing c) Providing
c. Remain available should further problems/crises arise
12. Direct person's dependency to the Lord Himself
a. Constantly refer back to the Word/Lord
b. Insist person pray for self - w/counselor's agreement
c. Gradually phase-out - lessen frequency of contact
d. Change type of relationship - friends, not counselor/ee
B. Drugs:
1. Same basics apply as above (alcohol)
2. Additional considerations:
a. Legal/criminal entanglements involved
1) Self
a) Stealing b) Dealing
2) Others involved with - suppliers
b. Binding social life-style: much harder to get out of
1) Prov.1:10-16: sinners entice - don't go
2) Isa. 59:6-8: not know peace
3. Requirements - counselee:
a. Have to be willing to go to police if necessary
b. Will have to name names - help stop trafficking
c. Full cooperation with police/court
1) May mean jail
2) Could be very dangerous (II Tim. 1:7)
4. Counselor MAY have to turn counselee in - if won't him/her self
5. Counselor will also have to encourage:
a. Honesty - restitution if necessary and possible
b. New relationships/ avoidance of the old or similar ones
c. Complete break with drugs/ scene
6. Support in court - if necessary:
a. Be there
b. Speak for if possible/desirable - counselee really trying
7. Remain available to visit/encourage
WEEK 11 (Chapter 11 - last one)
C. Divorce:
1. Scriptures pertaining to:
a. Genesis 2:18-24: original marriage
b. Malachi 2:14-16: God hates putting away (divorce)
c. Matt.5:32: fornication only grounds for divorce
d. Matt.19:3-9: husband/wife one flesh - not to divorce
e. I Cor.7:10-16: believer not to depart from unsaved spouse
f. Ephesians 5:31-33: one flesh; love; reverence
g. I Peter 3:1-7: wife to win unsaved; husband to treat right
2. God ordained marriage - serious about it
3. Problems DO occur - MAJOR AREA OF COUNSELING
a. Wife not feeling loved/taken care of - taken for granted
1) Workaholic husband 2) Husband selfish/ demanding
3) Husband pre-occupied: sports, hobby
b. Financial Problems:
1) Too little income
2) Too much / improper spending
i. One partner making decision without others’ knowledge/consent
ii. Impulsive - not proper planning
iii. Things beyond means
c. Child discipline problems - disagreement on when, why, how
d. Husband coming in second to the children/ other pursuits
1) Career 2) Church 3) Social services/volunteering
e. Previous family ties/members related to current family
1) Ex-wife/husband 2) Step-children 3) Former friends
4) Former in-laws 5) Child support/alimony payments
4. Usually wife comes for counsel first:
a. More sensitive b. More open to sharing c. Lower tolerance
d. Usually more concerned about domestic problems by nature
5. Men harder to get to - generally:
a. Taught to be tough/macho b. Immersed in job-related world
c. Not as sensitive to family-related problems by nature
6. Usual procedure:
a. Listen to wife - get details from her point of view
b. Ask to speak with husband - alone: usually more honest
c. Get both together as soon as possible
1) Encourage sharing their views in front of other
2) Usually will share things previously unknown to spouse
3) Knowing in advance enables prompting for full honesty
d. Encourage both to seek the Lord for help - COMMITTMENT
e. Try to get each to work on OWN problems, not other's
1) NEVER all one-sided 2) Show BOTH areas to improve
f. Encourage 100% participation from each
g. Objectively wade through each area of conflict:
1) Offer scripture/ suggestions wherever appropriate
2) Determine fault in each situation
a) Not for guilt placement
b) So behavior/attitude may be corrected
3) Share solutions - include counselees' input
7. Frequent problem - only ONE willing to counsel/ work at
a. Encourage to stay in God's Word and fellowship
b. Assist in changing where needed to be more pleasing
1) Show God's love at all times
2) Be responsible and responsive
c. Apply I Peter 3:1-6 (when woman - most often the case)
d. Encourage much prayer and patience
8. Handling Financial Problems:
a. More money won’t necessarily solve the problem - often just more spent
b. Commit to tithing and giving - often not being done
c. Seek God as to spending - HE cares and can help
d. Be willing to wait to buy anything
i. May not really need/want after all - not what thought was
ii. God may supply directly - gift
iii. Able to find at better/bargain price
iv. May find even better product
e. Both agree when buy other than necessary items
f. Be willing to go to bargain/second-hand stores
9. What to do about physical abuse:
a. Separation may be required (I Cor.7:11,15)
b. Find out nature and severity of abuse
c. Try to learn what triggers: drink, anger, etc.
d. Attempt to assist victim to avoid triggering-if possible
e. Seek to help abuser get under control (often hates it)
1) Confess as sin 2) Ask God's help to overcome
f. If abuser refuses help - may need to turn over to police
1) Depending upon severity and frequency of abuse
2) May require restraining order to keep offender away
g. Much comfort and compassion needed for victim
h. Must direct victim to forgive, not get bitter (Mk.11:25)
10. Specific ways to help:
a. Help each to take past to God - leave it there
b. Help each to forgive the other & self
c. Help to a commitment to seek God's will together NOW
d. Zero in on specific areas needing work
e. Establish priorities and plans to deal with each in order
f. Assign specific tasks for each to accomplish
h. Examples:
1) Wife-handle discipline as needed/not husband at door
2) Husband to back-up wife's authority with children
3) Husband to make conscious effort to inter-act at home
a) Not hide w/ paper &/or t.v.
b) Ask about and express interest in family's day
c) Involve self in family activities-lead them
4) Wife to be ready for husband to get home from work
a) House tidied-up b) Self clean/dressed nicely
c) Children in order - peaceful
5) Each change focus from self to other's needs
6) Husband surprise wife occasionally w/flowers, dinner
7) Wife prepare husband's favorite meal
8) Plan some time w/o kids or others - ALONE TOGETHER!
11. Help mixed families to accept new roles:
a. Husband father of ALL children
b. Wife mother of ALL children
c. Each MUST deliberately treat ALL as own
1) Must not favor own over other's
2) Must not PROTECT own from spouse
d. May require contact w/ children as well
1) Biblical counsel on obedience
2) Recognition of sibling's rights and needs
12. When already divorced:
a. Make know not unpardonable sin
1) I John 1:9 - confess: forgiven, cleansed
2) Ephesians 1:6 - accepted in the Beloved (Jesus)
3) I Cor. 7:15 - not under bondage (unbeliever leaves)
b. Seek to show ex-spouse Jesus by actions/prayers
1) Encourage extending forgiveness if needed
2) Help to be firm, but kind and fair in decisions
a) Insisting on support payments if applicable
b) Control of child visitation if applicable
i. Times observed for childrens' benefit
a] School times - adequate rest
b] Church attendance
ii. What goes on when with unsaved spouse
3) Encourage to witness as Spirit leads-not overbearing
c. Help to accept situation as is - Phil.3:13,14
1) Forget those things behind
2) Reach out to things ahead - new vision/goals
3) Press toward the mark of God's high calling
d. Encourage to go on with life - seeking God's will NOW
1) I Cor. 7:27 - don't seek another mate/ lay aside
2) I Cor. 7:39 - if marry, ONLY IN THE LORD
3) Matt. 6:33 - seek FIRST the kingdom of God...
HOMOSEXUALITY
I. POINT OUT THAT PEOPLE AREN’T BORN THAT WAY
A. THEN CALLING IT SIN WOULD BE UNJUST
B. IT’S A CHOICE LIKE ANY OTHER SIN
C. THAT GIVES HOPE FOR DELIVERANCE
II. SHARE SCRIPTURES AGAINST - SERIOUSNESS OF THE SIN
LEV.18:22 - THOU SHALT NOT LIE W/MAN AS W/WOMAN
20:13 - [SAME]...THEY SHALL BE PUT TO DEATH
ROM.1:26,27 - MEN...LUST ONE TOWARD ANOTHER...WOMEN ALSO...ERROR
I COR.6:9 - ABUSERS OF SELVES W/MANKIND
I TIM.1:10 - DEFILE SELVES W/MANKIND
II TIM.3:3 - W/O NATURAL AFFECTION:
(INCL.:HOMOSEXUAL, ABORTION, INCEST)
LUKE 17:28-30: SODOM REVEALS SIGN OF LAST DAYS!
DAN.11:37 - ANTI-CHRIST: NO DESIRE FOR WOMEN
GEN.19:4-7 - MEN OF [SODOM]...THE MEN...KNOW THEM...WICKED
(NIV=HAVE SEX W/)
18:20 - [SODOM]'S SIN IS VERY GRIEVOUS
JUDE V.7 - GOING AFTER STRANGE FLESH (NIV=PERVERSION)
III. EXPLAIN PURPOSE OF GOD:
A. CREATED MALE & FEMALE
1. GEN.1:27 - MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM
2. GEN.2:18 - NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE - NEEDS HELP MEET
3. GEN.2:22 - HE MADE A WOMAN
B. MARRIAGE TO BE TIL DEATH:
1. GEN.2:23,24 - MAN TO CLEAVE TO WIFE: ONE FLESH
2. MATT.19:4-9 - JESUS CONFIRMS GENESIS SCRIPTURE
3. EPHESIANS 5:31 - RE-STATEMENT: MAN JOINED TO WIFE - ONE FLESH
C. FAMILIES TO RESULT FROM MARRIAGES:
1. GEN.1:28 - BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY
2. GEN.9:1 - NOAH ALSO COMMISSIONED TO BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY
3. GEN.12:3 - ABRAHAM TO BLESS ALL FAMILIES
IV. POINT OUT GOD’S FORGIVENESS AND DELIVERANCE IS AVAILABLE
A. HEB. 7:25 - HE IS ABLE TO SAVE TO THE UTTERMOST
B. PS. 103:1-4,12 - FORGIVES ALL
C. PS.107:20 - HIS WORD HEALS AND DELIVERS
V. HELP PERSON GET FREE OF LIFESTYLE
A. RECOGNIZE NEED TO BREAK WITH RELATIONSHIPS (II COR.6:14-18)
B. GET THEM INTO LOVING/ SUPPORTING CHURCH FELLOWSHIP
SUMMARY/ CONCLUSION
1. Nearly everyone has problems with which they can use some help.
2. Born again, Spirit-filled Christians can be used by God as counselors.
3. More counseling goes on in everyday life situations than we realize.
4. The Word of God and the God of the Word are the ANSWER to today's needs.
5. Helping people face/deal with problems Biblically brings lasting results.
6. "He sent His WORD and healed them and delivered them from their
destructions" (Ps. 107:20).